Phew, there's so many things happen is these few days, as much as im excited to the arrival of my new nephew and the party that i was supposed to have yesterday because felicia is leaving soon eventhough is not finalised yet, there's a thing or two that recently happened in my life, sigh. It was sat morning and i was looking after my sick dad, i tried to wet the cold water and put over his forehead and neck hoping that his fever would go down. I was told he has been sick for the past 1 week, but i didnt know that his sickness was worsen because ive been working till late night. So i decide to sleep beside dad because he was sleeping at the living room, but as i was laying and he was sitting trying to get some sleep, he appear as if he was in trance, shaking, trembling and talking to himself, i decide to alarm the others and so we called the ambulance, blablabla, dad was admitted then, and we were informed he alr had heart attack due to some personal reasons but he didnt notice it, and so we too. Fyi, this is like his 2nd heart attack, and we are all afraid of his well being, apart from that yes, his smoking problems has also been a reason for it too. That fateful sat was also a celebration of my dear grandad birthday ceremony in muslim calendar, so no matter what, we need to attend it though. People have been saying some scary things like, maybe the only reason he ask EVERYONE to gather ard is because maybe he alr knw that his time is up soon. I seriously dont want to hear that because, i still can't get over pak long's death no matter how long he has gone, i can't afford to lose anyone anymore now, like i said, im not good at coping losses. I was getting myself ready not to see some people there, like they usually do to take their own sweet time to come, but suprisingly everyone came down though at a different timing, and to see tok's smile, i know deep down he's happy enough. :) but the vry sad thing is, i know people have been staring at my coloured hair and maybe asked among themself, what was i thinking and blablabla. From far or near, i could see em whispering. I wish i could appear strong as i would be, but i know im not. Im just so angry because these damn f people are f big hyprocrites. ATLEAST I DONT CLUB OR DRINK! whatever. at least my conscience is clear, even if i colour my hair, i dont need scarf to cover my head and pretend to be the angel of the day, so what do i care, right? errr. :/

Then, next i finally realised that NONE of closest friends even asked me if im alright, or ask me anything..and i see the big picture that, these people that i thought would be there, is never there. Yes, never there. I was all alone, trying to build up as much as i can, so that i would not brk down. I was trying to let myself all tired, so that the moment i'm alone, im tired and the moment im tired, i will sleep..So, the moral of the story, so much for all that friends, or friends forever, or BFF or angels. Yea, im totally over that. Actually im over with everyone. After this, i think i just wanna change my numb, change everything. Im better off alone. & yeah kamal, YOU TOO! out of all people, you can call me to ask, but you call ikin and dyana but not me? okay whatever again, im in no mood now. so bye and bye. Hope dad's what ever minor surgery he's going would be alright and DEAR SOON TO BE NEPHEW, CAN YOU PLEASE TRY TO GET OUT like now? Your dear aunty is too excited and she can still see you tmr if u come out tmr.. Hehee.