Like a plant, i need to be watered, nurtured,touch and maybe talked to, if not, i would withered, i will also turn yellow and that will be the end of me. I need the bright sun, to give me energy, to keep me going and also to give me life. Don't pluck the beautiful leaves out of me, or not i'll feel alone and lost. Put me near the other plants, i'll try to bloom so beautifully, so you would turn and try to notice me and again, like a plant, is again like me. Truthfully, i'm kinda down now, so down now. So pardon me and please exit if you find this dragging. Dear blog, for you are the only one where i would pour my sorrows to each time i need to. No one wants to hear story of my life anymore, what more trying to lend their shoulder for me to cry on even if it's for awhile. I thought, i really thought i was a strong woman. I told myself, i could work this out alone, i should face it like an adult, but then its eating me up, that i know it's affecting me inside. I'm scared, i'm scared that i might just do something that no one would like it. I know, it won't end my problems either, it would just end my pain for a very long time. But, i'm trying so hard to hold my faith, trying to get close to ALLAH, so that i wont and never ever go near to that path/dead end.

But things are just going downhill always, i don't see any improvements in my life, or must i just like follow what people have been telling me? Be strong and hold on, but for how long when every inch of me is killing me. I wish, i wish someone understand me, but no one could. It sucks to swallow this pain everytime, it feels like something is stuck in your throat and you have to force it down. I can't take this pain anymore, but what can i do? Just to sit here and cry and dwell on the shits of my life? I wish, i can put all the things that are troubling me, but i can't, cause there's many eyes reading, and i again, i have to keep this within me. But thanks, atleast i get to reveal my some kind of pain to you.

I think life is never getting better for me, never. Because im a jinx.

Labels: behind these castle walls.