I'm supposed like to sleep right now, but here i am blogging my thoughts again! Nanti dah bangun, tak boleh bangun! :( Gosh, i'm tired like hell and this working schedule is starting to get on my nerves. I just realised that this month, i'm ALL on evenings and night! I totally hate it, because i can't get to see my family and you know what, i was so berat hati to go work just now because obviously it's on SUNDAY and everyone's sleeping like a log, while i'm trying my best to keep my eyes wide open, but the most sad thing is to hear ryan say.."No aunty stay, no work." Aww, that makes so hard for me sey! Then he volunteer himself to hug and kiss me, and even send me up to the door, isn't he cute? But too bad, today when i get back home, he's already gone. Luckily i spend the night before with him and even bought him this huge lollipop! C: So, i've made a decision that i'm gonna quit in a few months time and find myself a job that has an office hour timing so that it would be easy for me and everyone! Even mom told me that she misses me? :'( Then just now rushed back to go syarahan, because daddy is one of those in-charge because he's one of the rc members mah? So went there and there was so many eyecandies but ONLY a particular one caught my eye, but it's so obvious that he's much younger than me! Maybe i should try start dating young guys huh? hahaha..I don't know, but there's something about him that i could not take my eyes from. He's from under the Tengku Muhd Fouzy marhaban group called HSDC something like that! From there, it got me thinking, wouldn't it be nice if my boyfriend was a pious man? But would i like it, idn? I like a guy who is a bit here and there, but to see guys wearing jubah and songkok like that and reciting some holy verses, makes me melt! I surely want a guy who wants to lead me to the right path and someone who is naturally nice lah kan since he's pious? BUT would guys from that category would want girls from my category who has no eyebrows, wear body hugging clothes or even date a girl who's not wearing a scarf and had her hair coloured? Idn, but seriously he was freaking cute, mcm nak kidnap je dia. So the last part was that TM Fouzy told everyone that we muslim should not bear grudges to one another and just forgive to those who made us angry, disappointed or hurt and that we should start hugging the next person to us, and ask for forgiveness, and so everyone did, but me, amira and dyana stood there like a statue and we were like, errr? But this makcik infront of me, suddenly salam me and hug me and even kissed me! haha, i was shocked, but this syarahan is a good one, it touches my heart..It also made me miss Pak long, with all those white jubah. I hope he was there singing the songs he used to sing for marhaban, Imy pak long, i always do.

Yeah yesterday we took ryan to KFC at pasar bulat and airport since ariana tag along. We roam at T3, and my mind was completely on maman. I'm sad and hurt because i know it was my fault to start with, i shouldn't rope you in even if i knew i never had feelings for you in the first place, but i just wanted to try if i could. I eventually did in the end, but there's many things that you won't be able to understand or listen. I knew, i shouldn't treat you or your presence for granted, but whatever has done, is alr been done. Whatever i say now, you won't want to listen and that isn't fair because whenever you did a big mistake i would still give you a chance to explain, well maybe you're sick of me doing it again and again. I know now, you're trying to move on, trying to find someone who's worth your time. Idn actually what i want like you told me. I'm just stuck in between decisions and dilemma and these you won't able to understand because you never once been in love for so long. Maybe you did with me but this is different from what you think, you know? Maybe knowing you for 6/7 years isn't enough to know the real you. I hate to see you to be in love or going after someone else, but i gotta stop be selfish and let you have your life, if we are meant to be, we will meant to be. I don't want to deprive you of anything else, but i hope that you miss me as much as i miss you and that you think of me as much as i think of you. I hope you're doing fine at taiwan maman, please come back safely? I'm sorry, i'm really sorry. Anywy, i know who's the girl you're talking about, well if you think that she's the one that you want to be with, by all means. Even this hurt me as much as how it used to hurt you, i gotta go. I forgive you for everything that you did, all these ignorance that i don't deserve, maybe? But please, don't stop being friends with me. :'(