I'm not good at phrasing my thoughts or feelings in my blog, but i had to, i know i just had to and so this is it. Currently, i'm having this major migrane and damn it's killing me right now, i already took some panadols, already have a good long rest but still, this headache won't go away. I know, deep down i'm troubled with so many things and maybe this is one of the reason why i'm like this. I have been thinking bout my future lately, been thinking what i wanna do next and what i wanna achieve and to be. I'm so proud of myself because i'm somewhere that i thought i would never be. Working life is not easy actually, especially when you're in this kind of working line where you have to meet demanding patients everyday and everything has to be done there and then but it has show me that all along what my weaknesses was my strength actually, i deserve a pat on my shoulders. This isn't my passion at all and so i've been trying my best to try to accept things as a challenge and Thanks to GOD for giving me strength to face any obstacle that i've been facing. But i will take this moment as an experience and once i think i've got it right and time to move on to the next level, i would. I just want to become better than what i have become before. Maybe after a few years of experience on different kinds of job, i would like to continue taking my degree as this would gurantee me a better life in the future for me.

Other than that, i really want to be closer to GOD. I've been wanting so much to start recite al-quran & attend some religious class. But now, time is the main factor and i know i can't make excuses for that. I have to do something bout this. But this does not mean i would start wearing scarf because i still think it's not the right time for me yet. I know, it's good if i start wearing one, but i don't want to be a hypocrite, i know there are still many things i would like to improve myself before i start wearing one, let's just say belom seruan dia lagi, but one day, insyallah i will.

It;s like May already and this means another 2 more months to the new arrival of a new family member. I'm still unsure of his name, but my darling nephew has label him as Gonggok/genggek which idn what it means. I'm pretty excited about it eventhough the idea of 2 boys jumping on my back and my stomach kills me everytime! :/ & i'm so excited because now i can afford to bring ryan anywhere i want and pamper him and my future nephew with toys! I so can't wait for these, if i got my pay by these weekend, i already know where to bring ryan and i'm sure he will go crazy like hell, heeh! Other than that for family issues, im crossing my fingers that everything will be okay soon, :') Oh yeah other than family, have i told you that i'm quite disappointed with my friends? Yeah like my gfs? Actually i am very disappointed in em' and it's just that i don't want to make things a big hooha, and so i don't tell em this in their face. All these while the idea of going seperate ways kills me, but what to do, we all have different goals and different responsibilities, but i always thought no matter how busy we are, we gonna make some time for each other. So let's us think back, when was the last time we actually meet and sit down and talk like we usually do? As far i could remember, it was afidah's 2010 bdae, that i had planned like hell to make sure everyone came down. Eventhough some had to go and it was for a moment, at least the effort to came down was much appreciated. & so, few days back i was pretty excited when i was told tt we're gg to hangout, eventhough some were unsure, i was really hoping everyone could came down, because at this kind of moment, i really need em' v v much. I've been wanting to cry on their shoulders or atleast make me realise tt they are there for me eventhough how busy they might be & so i actually went to change my working day but guess what, it was all gone to waste! & I'm really disappointed like disappointed gila babi nye ah. I could like rest on my saturday, but.. and the one who planned all these didn't have the courtesy to say sorry to me? The pelik thing is, when i looked at their fb, ada pulak masa keluar ngn org lain eh? So lesson to be learn, don't get too excited! I was even dressed up on tht day, what was i thinking, hahah! But thnks to those who made it, you know who you are. We the pathetic 3 girls roaming don't know where to go. Tu pasal kdg2 aku malas part nak keluar, mcm gini lah citer dia.

Last but not least, R'ship. (Bunyi cengkerik) haha. I think i've been focusing on these part too much i think. I think that is what all girls do thinking who they are gonna end up with, when they are gonna be happy and finally settle down with a guy who truly loves em and when this all pain gonna stop hurting em', kan kan? Well, i've just finished looking at maman's fb and i realised how dumbdumb i can be? What if this guy really loved me and meant what he had told me? ): Idn, i'm just scared. I can't afford to be hurt, to be left, to be cheated on, to be lied, everything..I just can't. I want someone who is afraid to lose me, who really appreciates me, who thinks that im his only star in his universe, who would do anything to please me, but where am i to find this perfect guy? Even if he can't be perfect, at least if he's willing to learn, by all means. But i really missed maman, idn if i missed the sake of knowing he's there when i;m bored and i got someone to tok to or someone i really really missed having in my life. I wonder, if he's doing fine at taiwan right now. I hope he missed me too while he's over there. ): I can't believe raiyyan is also over there, haah! I even saw maman in one of mak uda's pic when she took raiyyan pic, i was like SHOCKED! uwekkkk, all my life ive been so dumb, always going after jerks and ignoring the good ones! Why can't i learn all the lessons that ive been through? But im scared if maman is also one of them, well guys are guys. But i hope one day, i will be someone's princess too. )':

Okay enough of those bullshits, bila ni nak dpt gaji and mana cheque GST aku huh? Okay, if you're thinking why the cheque its because my bank acct has been closed last month, uwekkkkk! So please money, please come soon! I alr planned the moment i got my money, its time for a makeover. Huahuhahua. It's nice to hear from people that ive been losing weight, pada aku menambah berat ada lah because ive been eating ayam je. Kdg2 dah penat sgt balik keje, makan terus tido, tahu perangai fat! Tapi, i've not been eating well, so maybe that's why a bit of weight loss, and just nw in the morning i weigh myself and i was like whoa 70 plus? Okay? Yeah plus tu tak boleh bilang lah, hahah! :P Takpe takpe ni semua ambik masa, tgk satu hari aku slim melim, mulut korg ternga nga lah! haha, k tu lame! Lain lah dulu lom start keje, hari2 aku naik tu equipment exercise, skrg dah tak larat lagi, balik keje tido je. Mungkin one of the reason aku turun sikit pun psl makan hati, chey..tak lah..Oklah, i wanna slp..Toodles everyone. (: Layan!