There is so many things that i would like to say, but i don't know where or how shall i put it. As you can see, i'm trying, trying to type my feelings out about my r'ship status that has been a question to quite a numerous number around me. I'm sick of hearing and answering the same question again and again to the same people about it, and keeping mum about it, also tires me out, feels a if i'm lying to myself even though this feeling that I've been holding on has been true all while. I don't know how i shall put these, but suhaimi really matters to me even after what he did. Maybe 3 years is too short to judge him whether he is good or bad, but i know and i believe that deep down, he is a very nice person. There's so many things that are going on in our r'ship, but i can't possibly put down here why, but cheating has always been a problem to this r'ship. I never thought that he would cheat on me but he did, for so umpteen times. Whenever he did that, i roped my family and friends in, and these has become a big issue when he did this to me a few months ago. I was already hurt by what he did, but people around me didn't help me either, yes they were there for me, but instead of comforting me, i was given harsh words that were hard to swallow. Imagine, i had to go exam on the day and i was totally blank when i saw my exam papers on the table, because i was really really hurt. I had to force myself to sleep just because i was in agony.

You may label me as the dumbest girl ever, for forgiving someone who has made a big mistake, but life is too short, i just want to make full use of what i have with him. truthly, i don't see my future with him too, and sometimes i really think yes i am wasting my time with someone that i am not sure with, but let me use this time, please? I wish people understand, but they don't. This is hard for me too, as much as you believe that is hard for you to digest these. But, i really love suhaimi. )': He is my life, and he's the only one i have. I know by staying on means of continuous hurt, tears,resentment,anger,disappointment,stress and so on..but other than that, he also give me a feeling which i find it hard so to describe.

I wish i could tell you the whole story, and a complete picture all about it, but even i tell you, you would not understand. I have to say sorry to my family especially, because i have really given them problems base on my relationship, especially amira. I know you hate to see me hurt, but what you said just now, really hurt me. Yes, i'm trying to make myself happy, because i deserve this. I really put my 101% on this r'ship and NO, i will not give up on this guy. I'll try as hard as i can and at the same time, preparing myself for the day when my loved ones tell me, "I told you so".