I know, i have been neglecting this blog of mine, well what to do i have no ideas or energy to update, but since i find myself quite bored now, might as well i blog something that i might find worthwhile. Through out my years, i am very blessed, blessed to know that i have a complete family which some may not find themself in and over the years, my family grew more and more.. It never across to me once that the most thing that i value most is my family because it came across to a point where i'm always wrong and we never get to see eye to eye when i was in my teens years. I would usually have curfew and my handphone would get confiscated, what's more spending the night with my friends at the chalet? So, somehow i didn't really treasure of what i have then because i'm sorry but i find them as a hassle, heeh. But how should i put these, as i grew older and older, i begin to see the importance of a family, and true enough, they are my backbone, my pillar of strength and such. They have always been there emotionally or physically with or without you knowing it. I really should be content with what i have though, because some other people have to live through pain without having any family members around, and that is hard. I know i don't say these often that how much i loved them or how much they mean to me, but they really do, and losing any one of them is far from what i want..

What happen then to my mom's family really sadden me and i know it affects the others too. It didn't only affect my mom, but around her like me and i'm pretty sure my grandad. We grow up in a very bonding environment, we are very quite close to one another but what will you feel when one day you realise that those bond you once shared, lost in vain? I really wished that it won't happen to me or my family in the future, but then i give it a miss, because i truly know that my family is as strong as ever and nothing, like nothing seriously can do us any harm. Yes, we may fight with one another but deep down we know we mean well, and it might take days to be okay, but somehow we will be normal again. I really loved having my sisters or siblings around though they are pain in the ass like hell! We would do things that other siblings wouldn't do together like going after NBZ and crying together, or playing number games and scribble one another face with a lipstick and lots more. But when my elder sister got married, it was a very painful moment, because i know we would not get to spend any moments like that. I would miss seeing her sleeping on the sofa everytime i come back home, or being mad at her because she is infront of the fan drying her hair and the most hard thing is that there will be no her to do cookies on hari raya. But on the brighter side, thanks to her that i have a bro-in-law (a brother that we never had) and also my nephews and hopefully niece in time.. Reality started to sank in, one by one will be soon leave and have a family of their own, would we still be able to have fun like we used to, I don't know..

Then on april 2009, my uncle passed away unexpectedly and it was very very rough for everyone and i know for my dad too. Okay i start crying already, so emotional whenever i mention or think about him..When he passed away, i really really tell myself that i really need to treasure my kinship and i realized more that family is indeed indeed important! When we had to kiss him for the last time and i look at my dad's face, my other uncles and aunties..priceless. It was very very sad and suddenly i begin to fear, i don't want any of my family members to go even i know it's impossible, but my uncle death has really open my eyes that we shouldn't take things for granted. I always thought that my uncle would always be there and i always planned that whenever i get married, he would be the one cooking for me, and there's always another time to say, "I love you" or "seeing you again". But it's God will to do what he has planned. It was heart breaking to see my aunty cry whenever she thinks about him during his death ceremony, i probably would be like her if that happens to me. I'm sorry but i'm not good with losses.

Like i said above my family has grow from years, yes..it has, but it grew apart sadly over some circumstances and it really really saddens me and mum too. I know, she wouldn't want to happen something that she has went through once but what she can do? I too don't know what i can do to make things be as normal again. Sometimes i pretend to be oblivious to any of their feelings, but i can't help it but notice the difference of it and pretend it's okay while it's not. This whatever going on has been going on for so long and i hate it and i want things to be as normal again where we would have fun, laughter and find ourself in one place sharing stories and laughing. But i don't know how, i wish i know how, but i really don't.

I wish people realized that life is too short, to hate one another or bear grudges towards one another. I wish people would stop coming into our life and destroying what we use to had. I really thought we are strong as one, but i was proven wrong but i will be optimistic and crossing my fingers that a miracle would happen soon. Remember, family is the greatest gift that you have ever received & cherished them before it's gone. So, my dear family, i may not say these often to you but I really really love all of you and you all mean so much to me, thanks for being the best, :')