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November 2, 2010 / 4:20 AM
Hi suhaimi, i don't know if you usually read this blog of mine like how you usually read the friendster blog but i really wish you do, especially this post because this is especially for you. Looking at the clock now, it's nearing to 5am, and i've not yet closed my eyes, because there's many things that are going through my head and heart, i'm hurting, yes badly..the whole day, i've been waiting for your call, like how you promised me that you will call when you've your free time in the evening, i waited and waited wished that atleast you could give me an encouragement of words for my exams later, but you didn't. I assume you were busy and tired, so i give it a miss. Well today wasn't a good day for me, not a suprise isn't it? I knw. While i was boarding the bus, i fell on the stairs of the bus, and my front leg hit the metal stairs which causes me alot of pain until now. I had to walk slowly, i had to endure the pain, i wanted to share with you, i want to laugh with you at me, but i couldnt get thru. I keep looking at the clock and my hp, wishing that on my screen will pop up your name,but i waited and waited to no avail. Im sad, because i couldnt get to share this or what i did today with you, you didnt even care to ask me how's my examination and stuff. Before i go to sleep, i always think whether if you think and love me as much as i do about you, i guess the answer is too obvious that you don't. You don't even know my exam is on monday. As every day pass by me, i am filled with fears. Remember, i told you this that whatever happens, i'll try to make it through, because i'm confident that you're my future. Well, i don't anymore. As every day pass, i wonder if it's the last of me and you. Our r'ship is just sinking no matter how much we tried to save. And the most get hurt is yours truly, me. I miss you and i miss your presence, sometimes i forget how it feels to be loved by you or having a boyfriend in my life. I don't why i'm still here, and i blame myself for being dumb for still being here though the answer is clear that you no longer feel the same way as you do. I believe that everything you say is just to make me feel better, but actually it's tearing me apart because everything that you say i believe it's never true. Just now at 3 plus nearing to 4 you called me saying that you just come back from putting a fire off, idn if it's true of what, but my instinct is telling me the other way round and usually woman instinct are always right like how im always right about you cheating on me, and im not suprise if you are on the line with some other woman.If really this is true, this would really be hurting me. When you're working, i've always waited for your calls at the end of the day, sometimes you call and sometimes you just dont at all. I remember someone telling me, that he would call me no matter how tired he is, even if it's for awhile. Well, i guess humans change so does the heart. I'm sorry, for not be able to save these anymore. Ive tried my best, ive tried to change, but whatever i do it seems is never satisfying you. I really wished you could see how much you mean to me, and how much i've done for you. But i guess, you're too engrossed with whatever you're up to now that you actually have the heart to hurt the girl who has been with you all 3 years in your ups and downs. Im nt sure if you remember that you promise to meet me today at 10, but i guess as usual you will forget about it, and go to play your "soccer". What suprise me is when i put down the phone, you never call me back knowing ive waited for you nearly a day and half. You used to call me back and asked me why, but now i guess you see no point of doing it anymore. I know you're working and you're tired. I'm tired too, tired of being make use by you. I feel like giving up cos its tearing me but im nort sure if im able to withstand it or not. I just dont know what more do you want, i guess having one partner isn't always enough for you. Im sorry for the flaws that i have that always brings you shame and caused you stress, im sorry for not being able to be the best gf that you ever wanted. I tried, and i think im not gonna continuing to do so anymore. If i really leave, i really hope you'll change for the next one in your life. Love is not having a lot of girls in your life and showing off to your friends that you too can be better off like them. Love is accepting someone who is imperfect and love her perfectly despite her flaws. Flaws can always change into something beautiful if you realise it with you heart. If you really look, and really realise, there's alr someone who loves you as much as no one would,but its your bad to overlook her. I appreciate if you think that by giving me things is a sign of love, but what i really need is a sincere love from you, a feeling of needed, a sense of security that's all i asked for, but i guess its too much for your limit. I'm done, just done. You know what my birthday wish is? My wish is for you to love me as much as i love you, i know telling a birthday wish wouldnt make it true, but who cares anywy, cos i know it'll never come true.
I heard a saying goes like this, "No humans are perfect". Oh really, i guess that statement is just to make anyone or someone to feel better, but in such cases, ive seen alot of people who are perfectly perfect, who got everything that a girl wishes for, despite she's perfect or not. For me, i guess i'm fated to be like this, always have to face the bad things in life. No GOD, i'm not angry at you, eventhough at times i am. I know you're doing this for my own good because you know better. You promised that you would not test your own creation over their own limit, but i guess i reached my limit. Shouldn't it be my time to shine? My time to be on top, my time to feel what i've been desired all along? you've taken a lot of precious people in my life, and i was told that you would give a alot better substitute, but if these keep happening, when will it be my turn to received? I'm tired,i'm down. I just don't know how to get to you.
Hi suhaimi, i don't know if you usually read this blog of mine like how you usually read the friendster blog but i really wish you do, especially this post because this is especially for you. Looking at the clock now, it's nearing to 5am, and i've not yet closed my eyes, because there's many things that are going through my head and heart, i'm hurting, yes badly..the whole day, i've been waiting for your call, like how you promised me that you will call when you've your free time in the evening, i waited and waited wished that atleast you could give me an encouragement of words for my exams later, but you didn't. I assume you were busy and tired, so i give it a miss. Well today wasn't a good day for me, not a suprise isn't it? I knw. While i was boarding the bus, i fell on the stairs of the bus, and my front leg hit the metal stairs which causes me alot of pain until now. I had to walk slowly, i had to endure the pain, i wanted to share with you, i want to laugh with you at me, but i couldnt get thru. I keep looking at the clock and my hp, wishing that on my screen will pop up your name,but i waited and waited to no avail. Im sad, because i couldnt get to share this or what i did today with you, you didnt even care to ask me how's my examination and stuff. Before i go to sleep, i always think whether if you think and love me as much as i do about you, i guess the answer is too obvious that you don't. You don't even know my exam is on monday. As every day pass by me, i am filled with fears. Remember, i told you this that whatever happens, i'll try to make it through, because i'm confident that you're my future. Well, i don't anymore. As every day pass, i wonder if it's the last of me and you. Our r'ship is just sinking no matter how much we tried to save. And the most get hurt is yours truly, me. I miss you and i miss your presence, sometimes i forget how it feels to be loved by you or having a boyfriend in my life. I don't why i'm still here, and i blame myself for being dumb for still being here though the answer is clear that you no longer feel the same way as you do. I believe that everything you say is just to make me feel better, but actually it's tearing me apart because everything that you say i believe it's never true. Just now at 3 plus nearing to 4 you called me saying that you just come back from putting a fire off, idn if it's true of what, but my instinct is telling me the other way round and usually woman instinct are always right like how im always right about you cheating on me, and im not suprise if you are on the line with some other woman.If really this is true, this would really be hurting me. When you're working, i've always waited for your calls at the end of the day, sometimes you call and sometimes you just dont at all. I remember someone telling me, that he would call me no matter how tired he is, even if it's for awhile. Well, i guess humans change so does the heart. I'm sorry, for not be able to save these anymore. Ive tried my best, ive tried to change, but whatever i do it seems is never satisfying you. I really wished you could see how much you mean to me, and how much i've done for you. But i guess, you're too engrossed with whatever you're up to now that you actually have the heart to hurt the girl who has been with you all 3 years in your ups and downs. Im nt sure if you remember that you promise to meet me today at 10, but i guess as usual you will forget about it, and go to play your "soccer". What suprise me is when i put down the phone, you never call me back knowing ive waited for you nearly a day and half. You used to call me back and asked me why, but now i guess you see no point of doing it anymore. I know you're working and you're tired. I'm tired too, tired of being make use by you. I feel like giving up cos its tearing me but im nort sure if im able to withstand it or not. I just dont know what more do you want, i guess having one partner isn't always enough for you. Im sorry for the flaws that i have that always brings you shame and caused you stress, im sorry for not being able to be the best gf that you ever wanted. I tried, and i think im not gonna continuing to do so anymore. If i really leave, i really hope you'll change for the next one in your life. Love is not having a lot of girls in your life and showing off to your friends that you too can be better off like them. Love is accepting someone who is imperfect and love her perfectly despite her flaws. Flaws can always change into something beautiful if you realise it with you heart. If you really look, and really realise, there's alr someone who loves you as much as no one would,but its your bad to overlook her. I appreciate if you think that by giving me things is a sign of love, but what i really need is a sincere love from you, a feeling of needed, a sense of security that's all i asked for, but i guess its too much for your limit. I'm done, just done. You know what my birthday wish is? My wish is for you to love me as much as i love you, i know telling a birthday wish wouldnt make it true, but who cares anywy, cos i know it'll never come true.