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October 10, 2010 / 5:02 AM
I shall start with something like, Hey! (: Grr, idn why am i still wide awake when everyone else is sleeping soundly, it must have been suhaimi's fault that i'm nort sleeping. I'm in love, again with suhaimi. I know, that's weird but i got this flower2 thingy going inside my heart. Truthly, we are trying to compromise, the last time we fight, i was really tired that i decide to give a shot, where i would hold his hand, look him in the eyes and cry. Tell him those times, yes those beautiful times that we had, that i loved, that i remembered, and mostly that i missed. He was looking down, and suddenly few drops of water rushing down, and i know he missed that too. When i went back home, i told myself to really reflect, if i really want to work these out, i really had to let go of some fking issues that's just getting in the way. & i realised that, doesn't mean tt we've been together for so long, and have been so comfortable with each other, we should forget all those things such as being nice to each other, where you treat your partner nice, you know like the processing of just knowing someone where you tend to be all nice, to make an impression. Just because we spend years together, we forget that. We got so comfortable that, i dont mind him seeing me not bathing, see me in an ugliest fkin state, where i sleep i can snore without worrying, or after eating i would burp or chewing my food without my mouth close and lots more, haha don't laugh he got his thing too, which i think biar aku je yg tahu. (: I forgot to say thanks, or say things that i really wants to say. The main thing, i forget to trust him. Just what happen to me? Idn. So i read all the rship advise that i could find over the net, and some are true. I know my boyfriend here, has cheated on me, but that was a past, compared to mine i think what i did is more far worst than him. Maybe, because i cheated on him too, and that's why i fear of him cheating on me again, that everything he's doing is always seems wrong to me. I've learned that i would not accuse things, i should find out more than pointing fingers. I should really learn to trust him. I know, suhaimi is a really nice guy, and i know he loves me as much as i do, its just him, being ego and stuff. Nvr mind, I'll be the water to this r'ship as long my other half is doing fine. I love the way we are now, and i hope we could last like this forever. Aww, i miss my boyfriend so much. Really, i never thought i would be here, to find myself loving someone again this long. Suhaimi, you're the best, that i've ever had. Like i said, "Ive never given up on you, So don't you too." (:
& haiz, i feel bad. Friends with an opposite sex could turn something too. We've known each other for so long, even before my boyf. You were there always, to hear me laugh, to hear me cry. You're my best friend. I'm sorry, that these feelings you had for me. I just don't know what you see in me, but im really sure, you can find something more in someone else. I just dont know how to break this down to you. He don't wanna go, and you dont wanna leave. I hope we could be friends again, and please don't say that you'll wait for me, as you'll make me feel bad. No worries,suhaimi knows bout this. (:
Last but not least to end this post of mine, I just read my old blog at friendster, idn why whenever i feel bored i would read my old blog and start to miss people that i shouldnt be missing. :'( it has been years oredi huh? Wah so long! Sedih tu sedih lah, bohong lah if i say im not sad. But it feels gr8 atleast, to know tt he's happy and is in gd hands of someone. I've nothing to add on more, but i think im proud of myself on how well i handle this, i didnt see myself getting here one day. I know it wld be hard on me, but hey im here oredi. I may not be happy like how he is, but at least to know someone is here with me, is a nice feeling. Like as usual, i wish everything would be going smoothly for him. I think i should say thanks to him, because he has teach me the meaning of what is love, and strong is, so thanks~ (':
23 Oct, idn if i shall look forward for it, its a mixed feelings day. Its my bdae, and my boyf is working on tt day, i dn if i want to celebrate my bdae, but i want my boyf to be with me, and furthermore its..but its okay, somehow i know you'll rmbr out there.
