Cute tak gambar tu? Haah, the reason why i put that above, because i feel, it's exactly what im feeling right now, maybe the face also look like me, *giggles* I'm feeling v sucky, like v v sucky. Here i am, trying to study but not a thing can go inside my head, cos there's something tt's bothering me so much. I choose to close one eye, but i'm scared what i've been choosing not to believe, would be something tt hurt me in the end somehow. All my life, i've been trying to understand what a true love is. Though alot of people say tt fairytales aren't true, but i'm sure some love stories can be as magical as fairytales too. Looking at others being in love really makes me envy, as a starting i really dont know what i want in a r'ship. I only thought having a companionship is v important than other attributes in a r'ship, but i was wrong after going through a few tough love stories that i once had. & all i remember, was making a list, a long long
list of what i want in a partner, but i never had a chance to own this dream guy of mine. I asked myself, am i very unlucky? How come it seems other than me, my closed ones seems to get what i wished for in a guy? Am i asking too much? I'm not sure. There was a lot of times, when i really feel like giving up, maybe i thought it wasnt the right time for me yet, i still got many flaws that i need to perfect it first, before committing to someone. But, who wants to be lonely, tell me? I remember, going home alone everytime, crying at the corner of my house, thinking why my luck is so down on me. i'm not strong, like how people picture me as, i can't be strong like how my other single girl friends does. I just want to be loved and needed, that's all i ask for. I prayed, and prayed, until i met this guy who is still in my life now. I thought, he was GOD send for me. I really thought i was in a fairytale, where i would have a "Happily ever after" even if it was hard to believe. I never thought him as someone who could hurt or lie to me, at all but somehow it happen, not once or twice, I just dont know how many times. Sometimes, i really wish i could have a lot of strength to pull me out from this rship. I alr had the early signs of knowing tt he wasnt the right one, but i make myself believe, that he would change and change but i guess i was in denial. Maybe, if i had pulled myself out from these earlier, everything would not be so hard like now. Idn, if i pulled out from these, would i be okay? I looked at my friends, my closed gfs, whenever i see their pics, i would smile and tears filled up my eyes, i just want to feel like what they feel, to be really loved by someone. Ive never ever felt this kind of feeling before from a partner in a rship. Im always getting hurt and hurt, despite all the sacrifices tt ive done in the form of giving chances. Its just that, i want someone to love me wholely, someone who has only eyes for me, someone who will stay true to me, that's all. But i guess, all my life i'll never be the happiest girl in love, im just an unlucky girl who wishes to be loved by someone she really really loves. Im hurting, here..in my heart. I just want to be happy, can you fufill these for me? I guess, you can't. I guess staying true to one is hard for you.

Dear God, I dont ask you to make my life better, I just hope tt you give me strength.