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September 16, 2010 / 2:45 AM
Hi there, im bored to death and yeah, ive decided to blog in order to kill this boredness, (: Today, i have an average day because the weather is really killing me, so HOT! Pakai aircon ke kipas ttp panas nak mampx tao! Then, meet boyf because he wants to bring me eat seoul garden, but he was late as usual, tsk! But overall, we had our fun, but boyf wasnt much a heavy eater, so its kinda waste you know of your 24 bucks per person and in order to repay this date, i bought this new xbox game for him and oh i can see how his eyes light up! We had a lil fight but then, i didnt wanna this beautiful day go wasted so i gave in. Like i mention on the prev post, in a matter of months, we would turn 3yrs,and im still uncertain bout us being together or our future, i know isn't that scary? It's like you're afraid that you're not doing the right thing, and what if this is not the one, and you have to go back to square one all over again. Kalau betol ni jadi, aku suro mak aku cari kan aku jodoh, serious aku malas nak go back to square one ke apa lagi, it takes time and my energy sei. As far as i could remember, before suhaimi cheated on me, despite what misunderstandings we had, we were quite okay, and i didnt really care because i thought i could depend on him being faithful to me, but things started to be more worse then i predicted once he started to do things that i thought he would never. Im no an angel either, i had guy friends too, but the only thing i knew, i know my limits and until i felt that it was time to get back on him, that i went out with other guys. I seriously dont know how guys or he could do it without feeling guilty, but i just cant each time i look at him. Getting cheated isn't a nice feeling, it's something which hurts you deeply and madly, sometimes when he does that to me, i wish i could just kick him in his groin but that would not be enough for a jerk like him.
I dont know why, im still here in this rship despite many cons of our rship, sometimes i just wished we would be given a day, for us to straighten up my thinking, to make me feel secured or sure, i just dont wish to waste my time on someone who im not sure of, eventhough that he means alot to me. But the thing is whenever i look at him, i just dont know how to bring this up, and it's so sucky tht i feel sucky, you feel me? Today, when i saw you after much not seeing you, i was shocked to see how you do your hair, because i knoe you too well, whenever you do your hair or try to look good as usual, im sure something is really up in your sleeves, i tell myself, oh no dont tell me there's another girl? But you told me, you want to look good for me like how i want to look good for you. Idn if that's true or not, but suhaimi really, no matter how you look does not matter, i already love the way you are already, i prefer the simple you, i just like it better, like how you like better with my natural lashes not fake eyelashes, remember? Yes, i can do what you did to me, but baby always in the end of the day, you are still the one i wanna be with, really. I just need to be assure that you're really mending your ways and that you can be trusted once again. Its really tiring to fight, to cry and to get hurt over the same things again. Few days back,my momma was concerned bout dyana not finding a man, but really nowadays guys expectations are way over. All they want is someone that their boys would be praising them off, someone tt you're proud to show off to your boys, "Yes that sexy,dead gorgeous lady is mine, hands off please." sorrylah, kalau slh, but tapi betol, kalau buka mata betol2.
Yelah, in rship mmg you need attraction, who doesn't. But that does not mean mainly must come from the interior, because sometimes even exterior can be way much more better. When dyana told mom bout this, my momma was cursing them, it was v funny that i and dyana laughed. But biarlah, it takes only a true guy to see a true gem. A person without looks doesnt mean that they're not interesting or lovable, they can be much more better partner, that can love you like no one can. Sometimes we want to look good for our partner, that we forget about your ownself such as our needs and wants. Sometimes i laughed at myself,spending time and time looking at the mirror and flared up when my hair is not right. This is really not healthy, i want to be with someone who loves me for who i am, when im at mess or not. I really wish at times suhaimi could really love me like how i love him. There's too many things that im afraid of, but if really hes not the one, i wished that he could treat the next one better than me. I know he can do it, its just that, he's badly influenced. No matter what cik abang, saya disini sudi tolong awak, walaupun awak dah berkali kali sakitkn hati saya. Saya harap dengan apa yang saya dah buat, boleh buka mata awak yang buta, yang awak patot bersyukur dapat matair mcm saya. Kalau tak bile bile masa, saya nak chiow, Heehs. HABIS SUKA? hahaa.
:'( Dear God, please.
